We all want our children to strive to become the best version of themselves. Our children are so near to our heart that we want them to reach the same success as you have reached. If possible it would be extraordinary if they surpass your expectations and achieve way more goals than ourselves.
Eventhough it may come from a good place, putting expectations on them causes pressure, stress and can cause unwanted effects. When our children come home with good results they receive praise and they may even be rewarded with a present or two. What happens if your child did the best they could, but it just wasn’t enough this time? They will feel dissapointed and be under even more pressure during their next test.
When I compare my exam periods to my fellow student there were many differences. The main ones were that I was rarely being rewarded for good results and the lack of stress. Ofcourse good results would lead to being praised for doing a great job. However I soon noticed that it wasn’t getting me far. So I rather focussed on having less stress by enjoying myself, while doing enough to pass my exams. By doing it this way I knew I wouldn’t always meet the expectations, but neither was I stressed for it.
When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have. – Stephen Hawking
If there are no expectations to meet, anything that is achieved is something more than you wanted. The problem is how do you not set expectations for your children? The simple answer is that you should always have expectations for them, but they shouldn’t feel pressure for it. You can give them a reward for getting good results. But who stops you to go do something fun with them after the stressfull period?
Reward your children for their work they put in, not only the end result. During the exam period pay attention to how you children feel. Are they being bothered by the pressure you unintentionally put on them? Try to think of ways to do it better next time to relieve some of the stress. So that they can work with a calm and fresh mind. They will feel better, get a better night’s sleep and result into better results.